Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
