a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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