Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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