Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
