I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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