the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
