I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
