I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
