I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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