there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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