# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
