drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
