It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
