I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
