The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
