you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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