I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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