You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
