new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
