I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
His nipple licking is glorious
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