nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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