Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
