dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
