youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
