Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
