nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
