If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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