lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
