I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
