You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
