wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
