The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
