Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
