I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A bitchslap is in order.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
