i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
