He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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