cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
