im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
