is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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