I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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