Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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