He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
