someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
