I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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