Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
