Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
