do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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