No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
