farters have to be the big spoon...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
