if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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