Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
