dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
