Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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