Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i would punch a child for taco bell
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
