He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
