Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
