who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
