The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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